Issues

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, and more unashamed conversation.” -Unknown

Impulsiveness, intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable emotions. Not being able to stop myself from making the biggest mistakes or even being able to explain why I chose to do it. It’s frustrating and makes me feel so helpless. Mental health isn’t an excuse for behaviour and I will never use it as an excuse to get away with being a bad person. I know how toxic I can be sometimes and just how bad I can get. I just wish people would understand my brain works differently. I see things and overthink them to the point of creating a situation that didn’t even happen so I feel better about it.

B. P. D. is waking up feeling like you have something to prove everyday. It’s feeling like a king one moment then the next it’s absolute self hatred. It’s self destruction and destroys relationships. It’s making yourself feel so isolated because you honestly cannot explain why you did what you did. It’s thinking that you’ve done the right thing in the moment then a few days later you actually think about it and become so embarrassed you can’t even face your mistake. It’s gut wrenching and it sucks so bad because there’s no medication or therapy that can help it. Therapists have turned me away for being to complicated because I can explain why I thought I was doing the right thing but I still did the wrong thing regardless.

Please have patience with me. I know I’ve destroyed a lot of things and I’m trying so hard to fix them. But it’s like everything I touch, I destroy. It’s been so hard to explain my thoughts and why I think like this but I guess this is the only way to really express it.